Governments' Lighter Side

Dumb crooks tales

So many crooks, so little brains

Folks are always saying that crooks are dumb. It doesn’t seem quite fair, labeling an entire class of people — that is, until you consider these accounts from local police officials, according to the Boston Herald.

For Exhibit No. 1, there’s the case of a pair of inept burglars in Manatee, Fla., who could have used a good GPS device. Police say a neighbor called them after spotting the felonious duo as they jumped into a getaway car with the stolen goods. But the burglars couldn’t find their way out of the neighborhood and wound up driving back to the crime scene — where the cops were waiting. Now, is that dumb or what?

Or, consider the equally inept drug dealer in Leavenworth, Kan. This scholarly fellow, according to police, was sitting in his car and accidentally pocket-dialed 911 just as he was about to sell some crack cocaine. Police answering the call spotted the drugs in the back seat. Dumb? You decide.

Dumb Crook No. 3: A teenager in Orleans Parish, La., who was caught committing two armed robberies — all the while wearing an ankle monitor he was ordered to wear for a previous offense. No question here — dumb.

This one is dumb and weird. Police in San Antonio, Texas say a woman who wanted a day off from her job faked her own kidnapping. No kidding, after she enjoyed her day off, the woman tied herself up in her car and waited until a patrolling police officer spotted her.

The woman’s scheme failed, though, when the officer looked in her handbag and found a lottery ticket she bought that day. There was even video footage from the credit union showing the woman withdrawing money for the ticket. She was arrested and charged with aggravated perjury.

Ok, so maybe crooks really are dumb. 

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Derek Prall

Derek Prall is a professional journalist who has held numerous positions with a variety of print and online publications including the New Jersey Herald. He is a 2008 graduate of Furman University...
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